1
00:00:07,900 --> 00:00:10,980
I am sick and tired of being treated
like an invalid.

2
00:00:11,540 --> 00:00:14,500
So you're just going to do it, aren't
you? You're just going to go right ahead

3
00:00:14,500 --> 00:00:16,620
and harden an artery right here in my
kitchen.

4
00:00:17,100 --> 00:00:20,800
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Let's back
up here. You're calling me fat?

5
00:00:21,200 --> 00:00:22,580
Yeah, I'm calling you fat.

6
00:00:23,020 --> 00:00:26,620
Well, if that ain't the big fat pot
calling the Colonel Black.

7
00:00:28,780 --> 00:00:32,060
You better not be calling me fat. Well,
that's what I'm doing.

8
00:00:32,520 --> 00:00:33,800
Fat, fat, fat.

9
00:00:36,840 --> 00:00:39,880
What doesn't kill us is making us
stronger.

10
00:00:40,760 --> 00:00:45,560
We're gonna last longer than that
greatest wall in China.

11
00:00:45,780 --> 00:00:52,580
Oh, that rapping with a drum is the one
thing that I've heard

12
00:00:52,580 --> 00:00:59,240
while waiting for my turn. It's that in
each loss of a rainfall, what you

13
00:00:59,240 --> 00:01:04,599
also get some fun and will make us
better than okay.

14
00:01:20,100 --> 00:01:21,540
You poor

15
00:01:21,540 --> 00:01:28,300
thing.

16
00:01:28,340 --> 00:01:31,060
Down in one house, you in another.

17
00:01:31,280 --> 00:01:34,640
You must be feeling so lost.

18
00:01:37,330 --> 00:01:38,750
There, there, there.

19
00:01:39,290 --> 00:01:40,249
All right.

20
00:01:40,250 --> 00:01:43,590
No, it isn't your knockoff. Georgio's
making me gag.

21
00:01:45,790 --> 00:01:49,730
I'll pay you no mind, dear. You're just
dehydrated.

22
00:01:52,810 --> 00:01:55,950
I didn't invite her. I left the window
open. She just flew in.

23
00:01:59,050 --> 00:02:00,330
What are you going to do?

24
00:02:00,790 --> 00:02:04,430
Roseanne, it's been three days. Dan's
called here every 20 minutes.

25
00:02:04,940 --> 00:02:09,259
So weird. It's as if I've lost my will
to manipulate him.

26
00:02:10,940 --> 00:02:14,960
Well, next time he calls, you pick up
and let him do all the talking. Just

27
00:02:14,960 --> 00:02:18,160
listen. My marriage is not based on me
listening.

28
00:02:20,980 --> 00:02:25,660
You know, now that Jackie is alone and
you and Dan are estranged, the three of

29
00:02:25,660 --> 00:02:29,240
us should live together like the ladies
in Sense and Sensibility.

30
00:02:29,800 --> 00:02:32,900
Me and my finster daughters.

31
00:02:35,850 --> 00:02:38,810
You know, Mom, Lizzie Borden was a
spinster.

32
00:02:39,990 --> 00:02:41,510
Hey! Hey!

33
00:02:42,430 --> 00:02:45,270
It's not a coaster. It's a lottery
ticket.

34
00:02:45,730 --> 00:02:47,050
Oh, really?

35
00:02:47,370 --> 00:02:52,190
Well, it's nice you can still dream
since reality's been so unkind.

36
00:02:54,590 --> 00:02:58,490
Well, it's more, uh, Roseanne ticket.

37
00:02:58,830 --> 00:03:01,290
It's worth about a hundred million
bucks.

38
00:03:01,630 --> 00:03:03,490
That's a lot of extra topping.

39
00:03:03,870 --> 00:03:06,610
Well, if you ask me, the lottery is just
a scam.

40
00:03:06,990 --> 00:03:10,990
Well, yeah, maybe for all those suckers
out there, but hey, I devised the system

41
00:03:10,990 --> 00:03:12,170
while Dan was in the hospital.

42
00:03:12,750 --> 00:03:18,590
Okay, I picked the number 36 for the
number of times I had to salt my food,

43
00:03:18,590 --> 00:03:22,890
8 for the number of parking tickets I
got for parking in the ambulance zone,

44
00:03:22,890 --> 00:03:28,110
then 4 for the number of planets in our
solar system. And then the old, tired

45
00:03:28,110 --> 00:03:29,850
numbers that Jackie had to pick.

46
00:03:30,280 --> 00:03:33,000
For then, one, two, three is a classic
run.

47
00:03:37,320 --> 00:03:38,320
Hey, everybody.

48
00:03:38,760 --> 00:03:39,760
The children.

49
00:03:41,160 --> 00:03:42,920
I brought you a change of clothes.

50
00:03:43,240 --> 00:03:46,500
I also brought you some lighter fluid
and matches so you can burn the ones

51
00:03:46,500 --> 00:03:47,500
you're wearing.

52
00:03:48,600 --> 00:03:49,519
Connor, Mr.

53
00:03:49,520 --> 00:03:52,260
Connor really wishes he could take back
everything he said.

54
00:03:52,540 --> 00:03:56,040
Yeah, well, I wish I could take back
shoes after I've worn them.

55
00:03:57,380 --> 00:04:00,300
Look, Mom, whatever you're going through
here, you can easily go through at

56
00:04:00,300 --> 00:04:02,780
home. All she has to do is apologize to
Dan.

57
00:04:03,220 --> 00:04:04,540
Apologize to Dan?

58
00:04:04,760 --> 00:04:06,660
Dan should apologize to her.

59
00:04:07,120 --> 00:04:11,080
Well, let's not get into blame here.
This whole thing was just one big

60
00:04:11,080 --> 00:04:14,780
misunderstanding. David, we don't need
the touchy -feely right now.

61
00:04:16,540 --> 00:04:20,480
Okay, I really appreciate... you're all
coming over here to comfort me, but now

62
00:04:20,480 --> 00:04:22,760
that it hasn't worked, could you leave?

63
00:04:24,960 --> 00:04:28,660
Well, in that case, happy meals for
everyone!

64
00:04:29,380 --> 00:04:30,380
My treat!

65
00:04:30,740 --> 00:04:32,480
I love happy meals.

66
00:04:32,820 --> 00:04:36,580
Well, come on, then. I'll strap you in
your car seat, and we can count little

67
00:04:36,580 --> 00:04:37,760
red trucks on the way over.

68
00:04:38,780 --> 00:04:41,140
I'll pick up the kids on the way home.
You want me to bring you back anything?

69
00:04:41,680 --> 00:04:45,220
Well, yeah, bring me back one of
everything so I can pick.

70
00:04:50,320 --> 00:04:51,320
Oh, cool.

71
00:04:57,200 --> 00:04:59,080
Hi, honey. How was your day today?

72
00:04:59,540 --> 00:05:01,520
But before you tell me, where's my kiss?

73
00:05:03,640 --> 00:05:06,660
Donald Hollinger, you are five minutes
late.

74
00:05:07,360 --> 00:05:09,000
You only get one kiss.

75
00:05:11,220 --> 00:05:13,400
You may change your mind after you see
this.

76
00:05:14,040 --> 00:05:16,380
Oh, champagne, and it's French.

77
00:05:16,900 --> 00:05:17,900
Oh, la, la.

78
00:05:18,420 --> 00:05:19,520
Yes, sirree, and...

79
00:05:20,520 --> 00:05:26,300
This is a special night. I have a big
surprise for you. Anne, will you marry

80
00:05:26,520 --> 00:05:31,380
Oh, but Donald, I... Of course you will.
Now let's open that champagne.

81
00:05:32,200 --> 00:05:36,940
Donald, there's so much to think about,
so much to talk about. I'm just getting

82
00:05:36,940 --> 00:05:38,000
my career going.

83
00:05:38,300 --> 00:05:40,660
But don't you want your next role to be
Mrs. Donald Hollinger?

84
00:05:41,220 --> 00:05:43,460
We'll move to a small town, have a few
kids.

85
00:05:43,740 --> 00:05:45,900
Every Halloween we'll throw a big weird
party.

86
00:05:46,700 --> 00:05:49,340
But I can't marry you. I'm...

87
00:05:49,980 --> 00:05:51,320
Television's first feminist?

88
00:05:51,660 --> 00:05:55,840
Well, television's first pretty
feminist, that is. And I can't cop out

89
00:05:55,840 --> 00:05:59,620
you just because the network can't
handle a single career woman.

90
00:06:00,280 --> 00:06:02,520
I don't understand. We've talked about
this.

91
00:06:02,780 --> 00:06:04,180
Remember that time at the lake?

92
00:06:06,460 --> 00:06:07,460
Come in.

93
00:06:13,020 --> 00:06:14,940
Dan sent us over with a message.

94
00:06:15,560 --> 00:06:18,740
Well, I'm screening my messages, so
you'll have to stand there till you hear

95
00:06:18,740 --> 00:06:19,740
beep.

96
00:06:20,900 --> 00:06:22,160
What are you doing?

97
00:06:22,560 --> 00:06:25,080
I'm making a film of our dysfunctional
family life.

98
00:06:25,640 --> 00:06:27,580
You look terrible, Mom. That's great.

99
00:06:29,140 --> 00:06:32,780
I bought DJ six pack of tapes at Target,
so he made me a producer.

100
00:06:35,300 --> 00:06:36,540
Spell producer, Mark.

101
00:06:40,080 --> 00:06:42,280
Mark, I'm losing light. Give her the
message from Dad.

102
00:06:43,230 --> 00:06:47,470
Mr. Connor knows that you're not ready
to go home yet, so he'd like to meet you

103
00:06:47,470 --> 00:06:48,490
on neutered territory.

104
00:06:49,830 --> 00:06:50,830
Neutral territory.

105
00:06:51,810 --> 00:06:52,809
All right.

106
00:06:52,810 --> 00:06:55,490
Anyway, Dan, he's really hurt, and he
wants you back.

107
00:06:55,830 --> 00:06:59,410
Oh, well, let me translate that for you,
Mark. That means he can't find the

108
00:06:59,410 --> 00:07:02,050
towels, and he's eating directly out of
the cans.

109
00:07:03,670 --> 00:07:05,050
I guess that's a wrap.

110
00:07:08,270 --> 00:07:12,170
D .J., how's your dad holding up,
anyway?

111
00:07:13,590 --> 00:07:14,850
Terrible. Worse than me?

112
00:07:15,970 --> 00:07:16,970
I'm not sure.

113
00:07:17,150 --> 00:07:19,010
Did he usually cry when he vacuumed?

114
00:07:31,870 --> 00:07:33,830
Oh, Master.

115
00:07:34,250 --> 00:07:37,590
What is the point of dusting your house
if you are never here?

116
00:07:38,990 --> 00:07:42,110
I have the most boring life in all of
Cocoa Beach.

117
00:07:48,230 --> 00:07:49,230
Jeannie!

118
00:07:49,810 --> 00:07:53,430
Jeannie, from your information, Major
Healy and I were orbiting the moon.

119
00:07:53,850 --> 00:07:57,690
Why do you always have to go, Master?
Can they not ever send the monkey?

120
00:07:59,510 --> 00:08:02,390
Jeannie, I command you to send me back.

121
00:08:02,650 --> 00:08:03,650
Not without me.

122
00:08:04,470 --> 00:08:06,970
NASA certainly doesn't need your help,
and neither do I.

123
00:08:07,230 --> 00:08:09,430
Oh, you do not need my help, Master?

124
00:08:09,980 --> 00:08:13,480
Who do you think it is that takes the
tang stains out of your spacesuit?

125
00:08:15,500 --> 00:08:16,680
I'm going back to the moon.

126
00:08:18,180 --> 00:08:23,440
And stop always trying to control me. I
do not try to control you, Master.

127
00:08:26,080 --> 00:08:27,200
What do you call this?

128
00:08:29,220 --> 00:08:33,220
Oh, all right. Maybe I am a little
controlling, but it is only because I

129
00:08:33,220 --> 00:08:37,220
you. Hey, I've got an idea. As soon as I
get back from the moon, we'll go

130
00:08:37,220 --> 00:08:38,460
someplace really romantic.

131
00:08:38,990 --> 00:08:40,890
I have a better idea, Master.

132
00:08:42,370 --> 00:08:43,630
Gene Healy!

133
00:08:49,110 --> 00:08:54,450
So, Master, you would not really rather
be with Major Healy now, would you?

134
00:08:54,630 --> 00:08:56,230
What? I can't hear you.

135
00:08:59,010 --> 00:09:04,150
You said you would not really rather be
with Major Healy now, would you, Master?

136
00:09:04,430 --> 00:09:07,190
Well, I guess the moon can wait.

137
00:09:14,230 --> 00:09:17,790
Hi, it's Jackie. If this is Dan, please
don't leave a real long message this

138
00:09:17,790 --> 00:09:19,350
time. I have a life, too.

139
00:09:22,850 --> 00:09:26,290
Roseanne, I don't know what you're doing
or what's going on or why you can't

140
00:09:26,290 --> 00:09:27,290
talk to me.

141
00:09:27,590 --> 00:09:29,950
I'm all out of answers, so I'm just
going to stop calling.

142
00:09:31,130 --> 00:09:32,130
Bye.

143
00:09:34,630 --> 00:09:36,590
Geweldig. Hier komt het telegram.

144
00:09:53,840 --> 00:09:55,180
God, dit is allemaal zo vreemd.

145
00:09:55,720 --> 00:09:58,320
Je moeder is er niet, je vader niet
praten.

146
00:09:58,720 --> 00:10:01,180
Alles is weg of kapot.

147
00:10:02,560 --> 00:10:07,380
Ja, een schat aan Amerikaanse folk
kunst vernietigd in één middag.

148
00:10:09,400 --> 00:10:12,920
Verdomme, ik kan dit niet meer aan.
Iemand moet met je vader praten.

149
00:10:16,440 --> 00:10:17,440
Ik ga naar binnen.

150
00:10:18,760 --> 00:10:21,260
Wauw, kijk eens naar de nieuwe kracht
houding.

151
00:10:22,160 --> 00:10:23,160
Neem het niet mee naar huis.

152
00:10:27,820 --> 00:10:29,520
Hé, meneer Conner. Hé, David.

153
00:10:29,920 --> 00:10:34,220
Heb je daar de verwijderingsoplossing, hè?
Dat moet je een geweldig gevoel geven

154
00:10:34,220 --> 00:10:35,220
tevredenheid.

155
00:10:35,400 --> 00:10:38,900
Nou, het zorgt niet echt voor een sprongetje
uw stap om de dakgoten schoon te maken

156
00:10:38,900 --> 00:10:40,280
wel, maar het is niet slecht.

157
00:10:42,820 --> 00:10:48,940
Luister, meneer Conner, dit ding met u
en mevrouw Conner, eh...

158
00:10:50,030 --> 00:10:51,550
Ik weet dat het verschrikkelijk moet zijn.

159
00:10:52,450 --> 00:10:57,610
Ik bedoel, ik merk in mijn huwelijk dat de
hoogtepunten zijn geweldig.

160
00:10:59,170 --> 00:11:00,970
Stijgende hoogtepunten.

161
00:11:01,270 --> 00:11:05,710
En de dieptepunten... zuigen.

162
00:11:08,530 --> 00:11:13,150
Ik bedoel, mijn vrouw en ik hebben het meegemaakt
het hellevuur, en ik ben hier om het te vertellen

163
00:11:13,150 --> 00:11:14,490
jij... David, je bent acht jaar getrouwd
dagen.

164
00:11:18,150 --> 00:11:19,150
Ja.

165
00:11:20,080 --> 00:11:21,080
maar tegen Darlene.

166
00:11:30,440 --> 00:11:31,700
Punt en match.

167
00:11:35,320 --> 00:11:42,220
Dus als we iets kunnen doen
undefined

168
00:11:42,220 --> 00:11:43,220
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00:11:44,420 --> 00:11:45,540
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00:11:50,900 --> 00:11:52,680
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undefined

264
00:20:02,180 --> 00:20:09,140
undefined
undefined

265
00:20:09,140 --> 00:20:10,540
undefined

266
00:21:03,210 --> 00:21:04,550
undefined

267
00:21:05,470 --> 00:21:07,130
undefined

268
00:21:07,410 --> 00:21:08,610
undefined

269
00:21:08,810 --> 00:21:10,370
undefined